Love, the truth, in all honesty is that a certain part of you that truly believes that if you give away your love will entirely – no, actually must – result in having some kind of love equivalent to what you gave in return. If for any reason you did not believe in this, for you, love would be impossible. How else could you validate all of those heart-sicken tears, the nights with no sleep, all the work and all the play that you have neglected?
Love, the truth, in all honesty is not about a physics equation. Love does not have a law of conservation. However, it can be created, it could also be destroyed. This so-call love that you let out to the world will certainly not last forever, ricocheting through atoms, and as needed; shifting shapes. Your love can stop cold with a thoughtless heart.
The truth is, when it comes to love, it means someone can love you very much yet still be very hurtful and careless. Love is not some kind of charm that will protect you and even if it feels like it, it’s not magic. Love, in all honesty is not inherently good.
Love is like having your faith in it being misplaced; Love is not a higher power or some kind of system belief or even an altar in which you need to kneel before or sacrifice. You know what love is? It is wild, a force, a dangerous one – invigorating, even exhilarating, indeed, but also very much destructive. When loving someone, it is like positioning yourself at the very rim of the water in the center of a hurricane; the pounding of the waves that crash against the shorelines which are incredibly beautiful, mesmerizing actually, but it’s the treat of drowning which is very real.
Honestly, truth about love is that it is a sneaky monster. A sneaky, crazy monster with teeth like razor blades.
If you think about it, love is so bound up with such a regret that it may seem almost impossible to separate the two. The words you said, you regret because you didn’t realize it came out so badly. You also regret the fact that you let yourself get so vulnerable, how you let your chest burst open to expose your still-thumping-beating heart. Then you regret all those stupid chances you gave freely and all those “I forgive You’s ” you bled out so generously. You now regret all those times you have not spent with each other, nights you sat on opposite sides of the room both immersed in your iphones. You regret those times that you both wasted in sulking, or arguing or lingering in the state of deliberate misunderstandings. You regretted the start, the beginning of the relationship because it only led to this moment. Then you regret the ending, because you know its everything you will never get back. But then you do your best not never regret what was in between, but you do… yeah, you do.
love, the truth, is that most of us have a difficult time differentiating between what love is and habit. Love is not about a cure-all or a panacea. All the love in this world you can have and yet still be just as torn and broken as ever. Just because you’re in love, it doesn’t mean it will fix you; following the initial flush of romance you will just find that you are actually in the same place, except this time you’re worried that you’re dragging someone new with you.
Love , the truth in all honesty is that we all tend to talk about love as if its something that we’re owed, but no, its not really. We are all humans who deserve to be treated with respect and decency. People deserve the essential necessities such as shelter and food and clean water. We all deserve to feel safe. We don’t deserve love. Love, the truth, in all honesty, we would do it all over again. A thousand times over.
With Love,
